It's that time of year: Dracula stories

I'm Dracula
this is comedy>

Dracula applying for a job
"Hi I'm Dracula"

Dracula getting his car washed
"I'm here about the car, I'm Dracula"

Dracula playing a video game
"Dracula's princess is in another castle"

Dracula working in the Coal mine
He say, "my lungs are as dark as my soul"

Dracula playing the action game ConnectFour
"pretty sneaky sis, Dracula lose again"

Dracula at cocktail party
"Hi i'm Dracula"

This is my machine and its function is to write Dracula stories. It will write 45 stories every hour for fifteen million years and then it will stop. Directly thereafter it will tell jokes to children using sign language.

Fun little diddy about train crashes, Let's celebrate the end!

Great spirit with this one, tearing up the charts with Accidents happen, oh yes they Do!, They happen indeed with trains and with people. Never has running off the rails been so much fun, so remember, if you die in a train crash, it's not all bad, someone can laugh about it later.

Editorial note: 15 of my departed relatives where done in my Thomas the Tank engine and his lines lack of proper procedures. Anyhow, enjoy.

The Perfect Human a film by: Jorgen Leth

There exist two ways of interpreting the film. You are commander of an intergalactic fleet of star-faring colonial polar bears. Finally, you're making your approach to a smallish, spiral galaxy when a bright Lieutenant forward-observer docks with the ship to present his highly scientific finding regarding the only sentient race in this particular region of space. What you don't know is that he has completely procrastinated, done a wretched job, never wanted to be a science officer in the first place and originally trained to be a lifeguard. He only managed to capture two of these creatures, which he then locked in a smallish, empty room. After the female died he discovered that they require food to survive, so he gave the male a fish and some roots. The male, however, at this point had gone mad and jabbered on with his mouth full until stabbing himself in the face repeatedly with his salmon-fork until dead. In his last-minute haste, your science officer randomly edited together footage of his "incalculably immense" library of research to show you only the model form of the species in its native environment. Thus the images you have before you today.

Or possibly, this is what dogs see.